Co-hosts Rachel Strella and Vixen Divine discuss mentorship!
In this episode, we explore:
Real women, Real talk!
Co-hosts Rachel Strella and Vixen Divine discuss mentorship!
In this episode, we explore:
Real women, Real talk!
Welcome to episode 11 of the Light Her Project Podcast, Real Women. Real talk. I'm Rachel Strella. And I'm Vixen Divine. Thank you for tuning in today. Today's topic is mentorship for career growth and personal development. Oh, great topic. And we like to jump right into our personal experiences. So let's talk about them. For me, mentorship kind of has a special place in my heart. It was a mentor who actually encouraged me to start my business in 2010. I've been through a string of like... unfulfilling jobs after college and when she really drilled down to the common denominator she said that she believed I might be an entrepreneur and she noticed that my source of unhappiness kind of came from the lack of control over the outcome of my work. So I honestly never thought that I would run my own business but I guess that's the power of a mentor you know sometimes they see things that you could never imagine. That's very true. People sometimes see things in you that you're like, I just know something about her, just something about her. Like that's all they know. They don't know what yet. They just know something about her. For me, it was something that I discovered what I wanted to do because I didn't want to do something. When I was in high school, One of the things that they did was they'd send you out to a job, you know, basically to showcase your skills and get you around, see what you like to do and that sort of thing. I'll never forget it. I worked for the state, Department of Transportation and the lady's there and she was like, this is what she should not have said to me. She said, oh, this is such a good job. You just work here for 20 or 30 years and you get a great pension and healthcare is wonderful and you come here every day and you'll be fine. I could, I just like, the thought of me working behind a desk for even 20 years was just like, I then came to like to realization to what I never ever wanted to do again in life. So that experience drove me to something I'm like, okay, I had to look for something else. So that was how I came into finding, you know, looking even looking for a mentor. Ah, okay, that makes sense. All right, so a lot of people don't know where to start to find a mentor. So you wanna share a little bit insight on what that process looks like for someone who might be looking for a mentor? Yes, it is all about personal relationships. It's that intuition. It's that something about that person, just like they feel something about you, you feel something about them. It's you, you're like, oh, I wonder how she does that. She just commands a room when she comes in, you know, whatever it is about that person that sparks you, you're like, almost like I want to be like them. Now you don't actually want to be like them, but there's something about them that you want to learn. You want to know how to do that thing, whatever it is. You something that swag that it the way they speak to people, something that you want to learn. You want to be that you want to know. And that is a feeling that you get. You can't really search. for a mentor, it's all about being in the right place and getting that feeling and seeing that person. And then you can start to talk about being together as a mentor. So once you get that feeling of that person, then you can start to pursue. And the question is, how do you do that? Mhmm. Wow. Well, I agree with you on the feeling and it wasn't something I'd actually thought about till you articulated it. I've always thought it kind of depends on the mentor you're looking for. I mean, some might be looking for career advancement, you know, others might just want to expand their professional skills and some mentors are even helpful for personal stages in your life. Sometimes a great mentor can be a combination of all of these things is what and that's what makes mentorship really special. I think if you're looking for someone to guide you in your career, you know, one piece of advice that I was given before is, you know, find someone who does what you wish to aspire to be or do and ask them to mentor you. You know, and maybe even find someone within your own workplace if you're looking to grow within your job. I mean, there's, there's a lot of opportunities. I agree with you about relationships too, because I always recommend asking friends or colleagues. I know professional development groups are another good source. In fact, that's how I found my first mentor, which was through a female executive group called CPathy. So, and now, you know, ever since the world really turned virtual, you know, there are also these online groups and communities you can join, you know, and some of them do offer mentorship opportunities. But you ask a good question, though, you know, how do you go about that next step? Do you have insight on that? I do. I think, to piggyback on what you said also, is that what you're interested in doing, the type of mentorship you're looking for, that is what's going to spark your interest. If you're not looking to learn to ride a bike, I don't care if that person can ride a bike on one wheel with one hand standing on top of their head. It's not going to pique your interest, because you're not interested in that. But. Whatever you're interested in, whatever you're interested in learning, that's gonna pique your interest when you see someone else really good at it or the style that you're looking for. So no matter what the reason is for finding that mentor, that's what's gonna pique your interest in how they do it. So that's gonna draw your attention. So how you do that is once they pique your interest, then you need to be where they are. For instance, say you wanna be a doctor. And you never ever, don't just go to the hospital when you're sick, volunteer, you know, that sort of thing. So then you'll get to see, you'll be in that environment and get to see who piques your interest at what it is that you wanna do or what it is or how you wanna be or how you're gonna live your life or that kind of thing. That type of person is gonna pique your interest. But if you're not around them, you know, you'll never get that way. No, you're absolutely right. That's really great advice. I find sometimes you just need to be at the right place at the right time. We had a question from a group who talked about some of our personal mentors and you know, what's the best thing a mentor ever taught you? Wow. I had to really think I've had a lot of mentors over the years. Two that really stuck out for me. Um, one her name was Maria and she's the one who helped me find my, you know, business and path. And one thing that she taught me was that everyone is a potential customer. And I really believe that because whether you realize it or not, we're showcasing our personal brand every second of every day. If you're having a bad day and fly off on somebody in the grocery store, well, probably not likely that person's gonna want to work with you in any capacity. And then I had, so I've been so lucky. I had a really great encounter with a mentor. You may have heard of the name Jeffrey Gitomer. He wrote the Little Red Book of Sales, Little Black Book of Sales. I connected with him because he wrote one of the first books on social media called Social Boom. And we connected on LinkedIn. And it turns out that the Hilton is one of his customers. So he would come to Harrisburg area, you know, often. Now he taught me something completely different. He held nothing back. He said, all right, I got three pieces of advice for you. One, get out of bumfuck. Two, make your name your brand, and three, double your rates and fire half your clients. Now that was a bold mentor. I'll say that he lit a fire under my ass on some things, and I did do about two thirds of those within reason. But sometimes you need people like that to get you out of your own thinking. Yeah, it was the right advice for me at the right time because it was about a year into my business and I was feeling a little stagnant. So it was the right advice for me at the right time. What about you? Well I totally agree with him, especially about the rates. I mean, you are worth, as soon as, you know, as you grow, as you get better, and you're worth so much more than you were before. And a lot of people are afraid, they're afraid to actually charge what they're worth. They're charging the same thing that somebody just started is charging, you know, that kind of thing. So I totally agree with him on that, absolutely. I can't say that enough, so he was a good guy. Can't complain. So what about you? Do you have any mentors that you recall that gave you any great advice? I do, I do. Although he didn't know it and he died before he even gave it to me. So here's my thing. It is the Milton Hershey story. So I worked for Hershey for I think around 17 years. And what was so inspiring to me that he taught me, like I said, he died years before I ever met, is the story that really, he failed so many times. So many times, bankruptcy like over and over. His recipe, I want to say his chocolate recipe was like 200 times before he before he made the right one. Like something like he failed over and over again but he was so persistent. It only takes one time to get it right and that time that you get it right you run with it. So you never give up, never ever, I don't care, I can fail. I can do it wrong a million times. And guess what? I don't care. Because you know what? He inspired me to the respect where I can say, you know what? I'll just do it again. Might be right this time. So he really did. Even though I never met him, not alive, I only know his story. And he inspired me to do what I do. So the fact combined that I did not want to, ever work at a test job. So I knew that. I knew that if I was persistent in what I did and got the best, the best, the best at my craft and then I can charge what I want, I can do what I want, and work when I want. Mm-hmm. Very smart. You know, I've heard it said that a lot of people give up right before they have that success. Yes, I've seen that. I've seen that. Digging the mine, digging the hole, and the gold is right on the other side of this wall, but you just don't make that last dig. Yeah, it's really unfortunate. Well, let's talk about characteristics. You know of a good mentor, you know. I know the obvious one is the ability to listen and obviously you want somebody who has life experience. I think for me, one of the things that I found that was helpful are people who aren't afraid to tell you what you don't want to hear. It is so easy to have somebody pacify you and you obviously want someone who's supportive, but sometimes it's that thing that you weren't expecting that might be a little hard, that constructive feedback. But I feel like that's definitely a quality of a good mentor because you need to grow and so you need people to sometimes tell you something you don't want to hear. You know, if you are not uncomfortable, you're not gonna grow. If you're already comfortable in what you're doing, that means you already know how to do it. So that's not growth. If someone is mentoring you, you're trying to learn something or whatever you're trying to do, you're trying to grow, you can't grow and be in the same place at the same time. They can't coexist. So I think someone who, I'm pretty much a straight shooter and I know everyone cannot take that. So I like to preface what I'm gonna say. I will ask you, do you really wanna know? Which is about to tell, that's telling you I'm about to give you something. But you have to be prepared for that in order to grow. So that is a great key for a mentor. It's also a great key for a mentor though, if someone is going to catch you when you fall. If you know that someone is going to be there, because soon enough now the net will be removed, but the first couple of times, you've got to understand that someone's gonna be there if you fall. But then there's gonna be a time, you gotta tell them now, you're gonna do this on your own. Because you know that they're good enough, they just don't know that they're good enough. So that's when they have to fall, fail, faceplant. And they only have to do that once or twice because you know they could do it anyway, they just didn't know. So when a mentor does that for you and not hold your hand at the end of that growth, that's when you can spread your wings and keep flying. You're absolutely right. Well, one of the questions that have come up, you know, discuss mentorship from the perspective of both a mentor and a mentee, you know, I've been fortunate enough to have been in both positions. I can say I really enjoyed giving back. But I think that a part of me errored in some ways, because I think I may have encouraged my first mentors or mentees Mm-hmm. To be more like me or follow my path, which wasn't necessarily the best direction. I think I was overzealous in the excitement that I had. And I realize now, you know, and I think it's helped me become a better mentor, particularly with my team. You know, I also think that you gain so much from the relationship as a mentee, as you do the mentor. Really, I really believe that. And I, any mentor I've had has felt the same way. I believe that we should always keep seeking mentorship and opportunities to provide mentorship. Like you said, learning never stops if we wanna grow. I have had the opportunity to be a mentor, but I've actually very shortly into it, I really did stop doing that because it just may have been the luck that I've had because the people that have come to me, like I said, I'm straight shooter. I'm gonna get you to where you wanna go, but I'm gonna tell you because I'm gonna tell you when you're not doing it right. You can go any direction you want to. You do not have to be like me, but you need to learn the skills. You don't have the skills, you can't make your own little thing. You make your own little reputation, your own little, you can't, unless you have to have the basics. So I have found in my, I've just had bad luck where people wanted to be pacified and they did not want to grow. They just wanted to say, good job, good job. But that's not gonna help anybody. Yeah, some of the hardest lessons I learned were, you know, that first year or two of business. And I remember, you know, I'd make mistakes even though my mentor would tell me, you know, and she would say, what did I tell you? What did I tell you? You know, and I remember being pissed off. I remember being like, whatever, you don't support me. You know, she wasn't wrong. I just wasn't ready to hear it. You know, Mmm. It takes a lot of growing up, especially when you run your own show. You really have to get out of your own way, you know, and you're only going to do that with people that truly have your best interests in mind. But you have to listen to them. You know? I have a young lady that she's in her 40s so I'm still I'm still calling you guys young ladies. I have a young lady that I'm working with actually right now who knows she's in her own way. So we are still together right now but since she knows and realizes she's in her own way this may turn out well. Yeah, yeah, you have to recognize that. You can't be in denial, right? Well, let's talk about what we're seeing. So there's a gentleman who I'd never heard of until recently, Ari Rascar, and he is a founder and CEO of a property company. He's a very successful entrepreneur. And he shared a video on TikTok. And he says that mentors can be anyone who teaches you something. It doesn't have to be a boss or colleague he actually said he personally learns a lot from YouTube. He thinks a mentor can be your favorite author or even someone you've actually never met in real life. But someone you can learn from he suggested taking classes, you know for something you want to learn. So that's an interesting take What do you think about that? Well um I guess I'm a product of that. Like I said Milton Hershey I've never met him at all. It was only his actions and his stories and things that he did that were documented thank goodness that I was able to learn from that. And I also agree with the mentorship. You're a book reader. I'm a book on tape listener and I've had some really eye opening revelations from listening to some books that give me different perspectives on things. So, and I've learned a lot from that. So I agree with that. Yeah, I don't think I've ever articulated it this way. You know, I never thought of a book or an author or somebody I've never met to be a mentor. But it makes sense when you think about it. I mean, the books, I mean, I think maybe the books on tape are a little different than reading the book because it feels like someone is talking to you. It feels like they're right there and they're just in the next room maybe. They could possibly be in the next room and talking to you, you can hear them in the next room. So it's more lifelike as opposed to reading the book. So you hear a voice, you hear a person, that person is talking with you. So, and maybe that's the feeling that I get that's different than just reading the book. That makes a lot of sense cause I don’t consume content that way. But what you're saying makes total sense. Yes. Right. All right. Well, you know, another thing that we saw, um, you know, it was an article that was shared on LinkedIn about trends and mentorship and one of the things it talked about too is a difference between a coach and a mentor, which is a really good thing to talk about. And I've had both and coaching is usually focused on a specific goal or skill, you know, and it involves providing feedback or guidance. Mentoring is a little different. I mean, that's more long term holistic and it involves sharing knowledge, experience and wisdom and also fostering personal and professional development. So the article talks about with today's technology evolving. It's easier to leverage technology and digital platforms, which is apps and podcasts, webinars, you know, and I agree with this. I'm a member of a peer CEO group called Vistage International and they do have a face-to-face component we meet once a month, but we also can connect with other members worldwide online and they frequently have webinars and focus discussions in certain areas of leadership where you can connect with people with a different sort of setting and level. And so, you know, I think one thing that did come out of the pandemic, you know, was that we are very well connected now with technology. And you have just about any type of coach or mentor you'd want at your fingertips. That's so true. We got slammed with that technology. If you didn't know what Zoom was, you know what it is now. That sort of togetherness, even if you didn't want it, it is here. Yes, as far as being together and noticing what a coach and a mentor different, how they differentiate, it is so much more personal to be a mentor. than a coach. A coach is making me a better esthetician. I'm gonna look at your technique, I'm gonna help you with that, I'm gonna correct you, you're gonna demonstrate, that type of skill, whatever your skill is, is going to elevate that. Whereas that mentorship is an all around, it's not, it may be your skill too, but it's an all around you improvement. It's an all around mental improvement. It's an all around you, whole you improvement. I totally agree with that. I do. And that was what's great about, especially when I was starting a business, having a mentor, because there are different areas of the business that obviously I need coaches for, but I needed a mentor to really help me holistically, with what the heck I was even doing. And she had started businesses herself and had success in that arena. So it was very helpful for me just to learn more of that macro type of thing, because I... I really had no clue. You know, I was winging it. And I mean, there are business coaches that are focused on things like entrepreneurship, but I felt like for me at that time, a mentor was a much better fit for me and helping me sort of navigate the ins and outs of the business. That type of approach was better for you. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Some people understand themselves that way. Some people, the thing about it is, I think if you're looking for one of these things, you have to understand what's going to make you happy and what you're missing. You have to be missing something. If we're going to mentor you, or if someone's going to mentor you, you have to know what you want your outcome to be. I love to start with the outcome. Don't just go through it, and then where you end up is where you end up. What goal do you have? What is your end goal? We can't get you there if we don't know where you're going. We can walk for miles and like, okay, so where are we going? We might be walking in the wrong direction. You know, I agree with that. But one thing I hear from especially younger folks is they don't know where they're going. I mean, they know where they'd like to be, but they have no clue how they're gonna get there. But I do find a lot are still just really unsure about, and that's where a mentor is helpful too though. Sometimes it's zeroing in on what it is you're actually trying to accomplish in life. And a lot of us haven't given it a heck of a lot of thought, to be honest. Um, there's, I mean, purpose is just goes well beyond your career. I mean, it's, it's very important, but yet not everybody knows what that looks like. So I'll say that I think, you know, a mentor, if you're feeling just stuck in even figuring out where you want to go, it's helpful to give that perspective. I actually saw online that they had, believe it or not, there's tests that help you to figure out what you wanna be. That's one test. There's tests to figure out who you're looking for, like a mate. There's tests for everything is what I'm basically saying. So I'm sure there's a test that can help to guide you before you start. It'll at least give you, so in other words, if you want to be a doctor, so you know not to start over at the lawyer's office. At least you have an idea that you can go over to the hospital. I mean, you might end up being a nurse, but at least you know you like healthcare, you know, so it can help to guide you in the right direction. So you're not completely off. No, it makes total sense. Um, I didn't know what I was looking for. You know, when I had my first mentor, I just know I was very unhappy in my career, um, you know, and it really took that her figuring out that common denominator of all these jobs and what, what it was that she was noticing that was missing, you know, um, and sometimes that's helpful too, once you recognize a pattern and having a mentor help you recognize that pattern. So, well, we're coming to the end of the podcast. So Vixen. Is there anything you'd like to add about this topic? I think we pretty much covered it. I hope, and you know what? It's not just young, I was gonna say young people, but it's not just young people because now people are going into a second career or a different career or they're changing for whatever reason, divorce or whatever the case is. So when you start, you want to just make sure that you have a direction where you want to go. And if you don't, please find one of your tests online. And at least, so you don't end up in the lawyer's office when you need to be at least in the hospital. So you wanna have the right at least realm where you're going, because if you find the wrong mentor, you're just gonna waste your time as to where you're going. Cause you'll end up back where you're supposed to be eventually, but you'll just waste a lot of time doing it. I think I say, you know, you might be surprised how many opportunities there are for mentorship in small ways. You know, I sometimes rely on my friends just for guidance and advice because it gives me perspective. So I would say never be afraid to ask for guidance or help. I mean, the worst anyone can say is no, and that's okay. You got to keep trying. If you want to grow, it's there. You just got to find the right people at the right time. Well Thanks for tuning in to the Light Her Project podcast. We are wrapping up the 11th episode and we're excited for the next one. We're gonna actually be talking about entrepreneurship. So I'm very happy about that. You can follow the conversation online with our hashtag. So in the meantime, keep it real, Real Women. With Real Talk.