How To Maintain A Positive Outlook During Challenging Times

My friend and podcast co-host Vixen Divine talks with me on the topic of how to maintain a positive outlook during challenging times. We are experiencing trying times right now. We have a worsening economy, inflation, wars, worker shortages, and rising healthcare costs  - not to mention all of the other things that happen in life that affect each of us personally.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Costs through the years including minimum wage when Vixen and I started working and housing costs when we were born
• What keeps people awake a night - and the common denominator that could remedy all worries
• The root issue of ‘news’ today (hint: it’s no longer watching the news…)
• The mind-body connection and the role of cell reproduction in regulating our emotions
• How to deal with anxiety and fear 
• Is it possible to manifest our luck and why the folks on TikTok are giving it a shot
• Superstitions, chance, and other beliefs that affect how we perceive events

We also challenge the audience to share with us a superstition that actually worked!

Real women, Real talk!

Transcript

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Welcome to episode 13 of the Light Her Project Podcast, Real Women. Real talk. I'm Rachel Strella. and I'm Vixen Divine. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Today's topic is how to maintain a positive outlook during challenging times. And we are experiencing a lot of challenges right now. We have a worsening economy, we have inflation, we have wars, worker shortages, rising health care costs, and not to mention all of the other things that happen in life that affect us personally on a personal level. So We normally start with our personal experiences. So Vixen suggested this topic today, and I'd love to hear from you. Can you share with us what you're experiencing and why you felt we should address it today? Well, I felt like that the reason I brought this topic up is because in my practice, not only do I provide the physical change, but my clients also understand and strive to really give me what's on their mind. So while I'm giving that physical change, I hear a lot. And I've been hearing a lot of stress and anxiety around the war, around just things that are changing, economy, how much money, you know, all these types of things. And I've been hearing that coming and not just from like one person. I'm hearing that repeatedly lately. So since it's happening in my practice, I'm thinking that maybe it is stretching across because these things are really happening. You know, it's not just to one age group or to one economic, you know, these things are really happening. So I'm thinking that maybe it is something that needs to be addressed across the board. Wow, you know what? You're right. You're kind of like a therapist. I know you get that bonus for free, right? I mean I know when I hop on the table I’m like well, time to tell Vixen everything that’s going on in my life. Yep, no, you're right. Okay. Well, we got some questions. So, um, you know, well we'll talk about the economy specifically. Let's go back to the old days. You know, and what was it like when we were younger? So, you know, one question is what was the minimum wage? When we got our first job I know I started working in 10th grade and that would have been around 1997. So I was right at the end of the minimum wage that was $4.25 an hour. Wow, wow, yeah. I think I was in high school when I got my first, probably 10th or 11th grade, I'd say, but that would have been like 80, like 86, you know, somewhere around there. And so in that, it was just low. It was just low. It was like $3.50. Not a whole lot, but nobody really cared because I worked at a clothing store. So I got the clothing store discount. So you really never brought home any money anyway? Because you put stuff back behind the rack knowing you were going to get paid. It never left the store. Hey, that worked then. I worked at a grocery store. So talk about inflation. Wow. It just blows my mind how much it costs to get groceries right now. Oh yeah, that's why Aldi's, I don't know if you know this, Aldi's is basically the number one grocery store right now in the US, like they are booming like nobody's business. I believe it. I believe it. Alright, so another question was what was the cost to buy a house the year you were born? So for me, I was born in 1981. And the average cost to buy a house was about $68,900 according to my research because obviously I wasn't buying a house in 1981. which actually isn't too far off. I mean my parents bought their first house about five years later and I believe they paid around 74. So it wasn't like it was too off from where I was. Gotcha. My parents paid very little for their house. I was born in the seventies and yet I have two older siblings. And so I remember it was a choice of the house that we had which was not a single home. It was a, I think they call a duplex, a twin. Like it had, and it was brick. So it was that or like right down the street was a mansion almost. Several rooms and a whole driveway. The only reason they didn't get the mansion is because they thought that my two siblings were going to be the only two and then there were two more. So it was this is how cheap it was. Are you ready? In my era around to buy a house around my era was like around $25,000. Wow. For an average home. Wow. I mean I know this is a problem. My brother and his fiancee are actually closing on their first house together next week. And they went through so much with this. Like they were going to several, I mean I can't remember how many, but they went to so many houses and they put an offer in on five or six. It couldn't get, they kept putting more money down, more money. You know, just to get a house and what they ended up with, it's still outrageous when I think about where we were, you know, in where we were years ago, I it's just so much money and interest rates are really high now as well when I bought my house, it was around 3%. You know, now they're in seven, seven and a half, 8%. Wow. Yet the economy is not getting any better. No, it's kind of scary. No. And so while we're talking about that, I polled my audience on what keeps them awake at night? What are the constant worries for them? So here, here were some of the responses that I received. Not knowing when I'm going to be able to get out of my parents house because of how expensive it is to rent or buy. And that's correct because it's not just buying, it's renting too. Everything is really expensive for housing. Another one was climate change. And another one was the safety of her children. War, school shootings, terrorists, providing for them financially. All of these things were worries. So let's talk about that a little bit. What do you think? I’m thinking a lot of this, the worries now extend from financial situations. Because if you think about it, when you talk about not being able to move out, that's a financial situation, right? Climate change, if you had enough money, would not all these people be buying like electric cars and so because even though like it saves on gas the price is so much higher. They do that on purpose, I swear. The price is so much higher. And then the safety of your kids. OK, if you could, a financial thing, if you could, would you take them out of that environment? Would you homeschool them? Even with a group of neighborhood kids, would you do that? But there we are. Then you'd hire a teacher, right? But then that costs what? Money. Right? So it's my thought that maybe people should sit down, sit down, just take a moment. If you live with someone, if you're by yourself, you can just figure it out yourself, but if you live with someone, sit down, figure out how much, what do you want to do and how much more money do you need a month to do that. I have a friend who is working, he's working and he's at his wits end really because he says he's working, he's working and he's not getting anywhere. So stop doing that. So now you have to sit down, you know, stop doing that. If that's not working for you, sit down. What are your options and find out how you're going to make more money that's going to help you to make it to the end of the month and to do what you want to do. I know that sounds simple, but we'll talk more about it in a minute. Rachel, what do you think? I think this is great advice. I read a book earlier this year called Who Not How and one of the book principles was that if you have enough money to fix a problem you don't have a problem. And I agree with that. There are some things that money can't fix, but money can fix a lot of things. And it may not be able to fix everything in the planet. I mean, buying a car that has an electric vehicle, that helps your carbon footprint. It might not affect the world, but I think it makes people sleep better at night knowing they're making their contribution. This is good advice. So the next question is really in relation to this is how can people deal with anxiety and fear? And I have a feeling Vixen that you probably have a lot to say about that. Well. How do they deal with it? It's really humans. We as humans understand that nothing is certain. We know that to be a logical thing. But we all have the feeling, we need to have the, notice I said feeling of security. So we have to perceive stability financially, environmentally, and emotionally. If we perceive that to be so, our stress level goes down, we feel okay, like everything's right with the world, la la, because in our world, in our environment, in our space, things are better. So if we have that, and like we talked about earlier, I said I'd come back to it, right? So if we made that plan, and we analyzed what we needed a month, and we figured that out, It'll take a little, it might take a few months to figure it out, you know, but when you figure that out, then you have that stability, that perceived stability, financially, emotionally, and because you're emotionally stressed when these things are happening. But when you're done with that and you've got it together, then guess what? Your stress goes down. You feel better. You feel more secure. You feel like so that will make actually that money. If you start there, that will bring down everything. I agree with you because when there's something that feels like it's out of my control and it's causing stress and anxiety for me, I just have to make a plan. I have to make I just have to do something. I have to sit down and map out what this plan is and just mentally makes me feel better. I feel like I have a plan now. So you're right. And I think, you know, I'm surprised you didn't mention this, Vixen, but I think this something to be said for some self care as well. You're making sure that you're taking care of yourself, you're sleeping, exercising, you're not letting the stress and anxiety get the better of your health. I mean, you can't let it paralyze you either. I mean, I know people who they watch the news and they're freaking out, you know, it's constant. So it's, you can't let these things paralyze you. It's not healthy. I know you told me this before, Vixen, about distracting yourself. You know, it doesn't mean that you're going to bury your head in the sand, but if you focus too much on the stuff that's bogging down, it leads to more bogging down. Yeah. It’s what you see. Yes, exactly. Now I'm going to go back to my, my Bible on life. Okay. For a minute. My Zen and the Art of Happiness book. So this is interesting in this book. It talks about how modern research has shown that thinking influences our moment-to-moment reproduction of cells in our body. So it's a complicated process, but essentially bear with me here so the peptides those peptides which are cell receptors and they determine what we think and feel okay so when a new cell is produced, which is often It isn't always a clone of the old cell, but a cell that has more receptors for whatever peptide it received to cause it to split. So that means if the cell received peptides that produced emotions of depression, the new cells are created with more receptors for depression, you know, and fewer of like the good stuff. So all new cells are created. basically according to what we think and feel. So if we're depressed for an hour, we've just produced 18 billion new cells that have more receptors calling out for more depression-like peptides. This sounds complicated, but it's fascinating to me. And basically screaming, send us more depression! You know, and, and people can actually be addicted to depression for this reason or any type of emotion. The more you engage in any type of emotion, or behavior, the greater your desire for it becomes. You know, so it makes you think, you know, what did your cell receptors communicate to your body today? You know, I can't think of a better reason to let go of fear and anxiety, or at least do your best to do that. And I struggle with it, but I don't want more peptide screaming for depression or anxiety. Well, I think that brings us to awareness though. Everything, honestly, everything that you need is around you. You just don't see it. You only see what is relevant to you at the time. Even though it's right in front of you, you just don't see it. You see it when you need it, you see it when you want to, that doesn't mean it's not there. So. The example, the classic example of you bought a new dress. Oh, you love this dress. It's a gorgeous dress. It looks good color, it looks good on you. You go to the grocery store in this dress. Now it's not a, it's everyday dress. You go to the store in this dress and somebody else has on the same exact dress you do. They own that dress before. You know you've seen it, but you didn't see it because you weren't aware of it. But now that you have one, everybody's got on your dress, right? So it's... It's awareness of things that you need that are around you. You have, you actually have solutions to your problems. You just need to know how to be ready for it when it comes to you. Yeah, that's a really great advice. And that's something we're going to touch on when we get into what we're seeing as well. Really, really good stuff. Okay, so Oh, one thing I have to say, I got to say it before I lose it. Okay? All right, so as far as their plan, they've got to know different types of financial plans are out there. I want to clarify. I'm not saying you have to just keep working, working. It's not what I'm saying. I mean, if you try that, that may be good. But if that doesn't work for you, maybe two people go to work. but they pay childcare. Is it financially smart for one person to stay home because of the amount of childcare? You know, different types of financial situation. So don't just limit yourself to one, because you'll lose. Okay, go ahead. I just had to get that out. I actually reminds me of a speaker that I heard, a Vistage speaker. He was talking about how we deal with problems. We often say, what should I do? He said to reframe it that it should be what could I do? It opens up a lot more possibilities that you might not have thought of. So. All right, last question. How do you live a fulfilled life despite what's happening around you? So, you know, for example, people who stop listening to the news or watching the news, is that wise? I mean, I mean, obviously, we have to do something for our mental health and take breaks from these things. But at what point does it become a problem that you're uninformed? Well um I think we are actually addicted to our cell phones. And I think this has become a problem. Cell phones, watches, you know, these electronics, I'll just put it overall, electronics, where the happiness cannot be prevalent if the sadness is always in front of you. You're all getting hit with sadness, hit sadness. So it's super hard to be positive, to be happy and fulfilled if you all you're getting all you're looking at is the sad things what happened today what bad things oh they're fighting over here they're not that they're not doing it don't ignore it but limit it. Limit it to the six o'clock news or you know seven o'clock whatever time that you watch the news you don't need to hear it all day. And schedule yourself that self care we talked about. And... I think about my mother-in-law, she doesn't have a cell phone anymore, but she obsesses over certain things, like certain pieces of mail or something she saw on the news and she'll start calling everybody. She'll start calling my husband and you know. It's, you know, I think like, you know, how can you replace something like that with like a healthier activity, you know, so you're not obsessing over the bad stuff. You know, like, it's so easy to do that. And I totally agree with you on the cell phones, we have a fear of missing out big time. But it's so easy to get stuck into a trap of the negativity that's constantly around because that seems to be what people are drawn to and want to like talk about, you know, it gets around a lot faster than the good stuff. So that's a big issue and I don't know what to say. It's so hard. I can't even watch a movie sometimes. Like I'm worried like I'm gonna miss something, something for work or something is going on. I need to check my phone and usually nine times out of ten, actually probably almost ten out of ten, it wasn't anything I needed you know that they look at or see. I just you know there's that fear of missing out. Yeah, there is. It is there because what if you missed out on some really good stuff, right? But this stuff will be there. Now, I do agree on, you know, checking your emails and stuff because someone might be emailing you information that you may need. But generally speaking, yeah, you're right about that. It's really hard. And honestly, you have to do it in increments. I'll tell you why. I used not wear a watch. And I wore a watch all the time. But I decided I actually had to go 21 days without wearing a watch before I didn't do this. Now I only wear a watch because why is it? It's attached to my cell phone. Yep, I hear you I know. I turn off all the notifications on my watch because I don't want that to be distracting me. You know, you feel it, you know, making a noise or it's it vibrates it’s so distracting. I turn off all of that. So. All right, let's talk about what we're seeing. So, um, similar to what you were talking about earlier, um, there's a gal on TikTok. Um, she is actually a success and mindset coach. So that's just more perspective. Um, and she explains how she stays positive, um, in a negative world. And she replied, you know, one of the things she said was you get what you look for. Meaning if you only focus on the bad and negative, that is all you're going to see. You know, your brain is just going to scan and find those things. She likens it to buying a car. And then suddenly you see that car and it's all over the road. Um, similar to what you talked about with the dress. If that's your focus, that's what you're going to get. And that's, I totally agree with that because you can, it's awareness. You were unaware before, even though there's a ton of cars on the road, but that one didn't interest you before. That color didn't interest you before, all of those things. Now that you're peaked, it's what I said about everything's around you. It's really in front of your face. You're just not aware of it. That's the only reason you don't see it. You have a child, suddenly you see, you notice all the new moms. How are they acting? You know, you notice, you didn't notice that before. Because you didn't have kids. Mm-hmm. So those sorts of things, they really make a difference in your awareness. You have to be and some people call it mindfulness. That's another some people call it mindfulness as well. So if you're looking up any of this, those are the terms that you want to look up. Yeah. Yeah, this makes sense. I agree. And I think, you know, let's there was a Reddit thread that that we found had thousands comments on it, but it was basically on how to stay positive in a negative world. And one person put a really long response and they talked about zooming out and zooming in. And said that when you try to stay positive, you have to zoom in on yourself, okay, and your own life before you zoom out and worry about the rest of the world. Very interesting. Come on, we had this growing up. You know, like, worry about yourself, you know, when you're fighting with your sibling, you know, worry about your what you're doing, not what they're doing. Similar concept. What do you think? No, that's true. And I remember my mom saying that. Worry about you. Don't worry about what they're doing. Yeah, oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, so no, I believe that concept. Now, zooming in, I would tweak that statement a little bit in the respect where when you zoom in, I don't want you to be oblivious to what's around you. I want you to focus on you, but I still want you to be aware of what's going on around you, if that makes any sense. Absolutely does. I think, um, I mean, everything you said here talks about awareness, really. And if you're not aware, like that's the first thing you really need to do is like, kind of check in with yourself what's going on, you know, what are the actions that need to happen here. But I don't know that we check in with ourselves enough. Sometimes I feel like we're actually in denial. Things do get better, you know, but we have to be actively participating to make that happen. If you do nothing about your situation, like if you don't try, the situation is going to remain the same or you will, I call it float through life. Like float through life means you really didn't make the phone call or do the education or you know whatever just happens to come along is really where you went. You didn't make an active reasoning, an active push, an active try to make your life go in the direction that you wanted it to. I firmly believe that inaction is action. If you do nothing, it doesn't fix the problem. So I'm with you. All right, last one we're seeing. So a trend on TikTok right now is using a specific sound for good luck. Okay, so it's a manifestation. So everyone knows that life like isn't actually linked to a TikTok sound, right? But by using it, they have hopes, you know, that you put out whatever's going to happen in the universe and whatever, just by doing this. So there are a few different types of this, but this is a broader question. You know, what fixes itself? You know, and if we want to, you know, is this what we resort to when things are beyond our control, you know, and we feel like we have to rely on good luck or manifestation, you know, I often think about superstition. You know, eating pork and sauerkraut for New Year or, you know, dressing a groom in a certain way for specific outcomes. But like, my husband comes to mind with sports, you know, he was beating himself up that he thought Penn State lost Saturday because he had changed up one of the things that he was wearing. You know, just as regular superstitions like umbrella in the house or, you know, path of a black cat, changing the calendar early, you know, so like What do you think? But it was about this whole luck, chance, manifestation, superstition. I call it coincidence, is what I call it. I mean, think about it. If I knew that if I broke a mirror, I would have seven years bad luck. I mean, and I wanted someone to have seven years bad luck, I would place the mirror just right to make sure they broke it. You know, I just, there was, you know, toss salt on, you know, I would just, I would break lines. so many things. If that actually worked, oh my word. So sometimes it does seem to and I think it's a matter of coincidence and a combination of what you're looking for. Remember we talked about awareness? So that same outcome could have happened, you know, two weeks ago but you were not thinking about that. So you weren't even looking for it. So but today, you know, this is going to happen because I'm wearing such and such. So now I'm looking for it to happen. So if it does happen, it wasn't necessarily that was the case, but it's because now I'm looking, I'm like. I agree. I agree with you. Because what if you don't even know any of these superstitions and you open the umbrella in the house and then, I don't know, a week later you get hit by a car, but you don't even know about it. So like, did it cause it or, you know, sometimes you're just on that wavelength and you're all paranoid about it and thus bringing it about. So I’m with you, I'm going to challenge the audience here. I want them to share the craziest superstition, you know, that they've ever heard or what they swear by. So you know, if we're going to cut this clip. I'd love to hear that and have people leave a comment. Just because I'm fascinated by that kind of stuff. And there are times too that I don't change calendar early. No, you know, bad luck. So I'm just curious. Right, I would love to know what's and what superstition it was and when did it work? Hmm. All right, another challenge. Hook it up audience. All right. Well, we're coming to the end of the podcast. Vixen is there anything else you'd like to add about this topic? That was it. That was it for me today y'all. Alright, I think the only thing I'm going to say is, you know, what peptides? What peptides we're communicating and how are you feeling about that? You could change it tomorrow, you could change it tonight. Alright, well, thanks for tuning in to the Light Her Project podcast. You can follow the conversation online with our hashtag. In the meantime, keep it real. Real women. with real talk.