The Risks of Neglecting Self-Care

In this episode, we explore:

• Unpacking our self-care style
• The definition and aspects of self-care
• How to achieve self-care
• What happens when you don’t engage in self-care
• Our favorite ways to care for ourselves
• Why women often neglect self-care
• What happens when you neglect yourself
• How self-care turned the tables for one well-known celebrity

Real women, Real talk!

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to the Light Her Project Podcast, Real Women. I'm Rachel Strella. And I'm Vixen Divine. Welcome, welcome. So we're on episode five. This is amazing. Season two. Let's check in, you know, how's your week going so far? Well, I'll tell you, I have had a fantastic week as normal, but a little bit more. See, I got early Mother's Day presents. So I think they kind of had to ask for this, what I wanted. So I got two things, one from my son. I got the Dyson Airwrap hair styler. Yeah. And. I got an ice cream maker. I know that may not seem, but this is like the, what is it? Ninja 11 in 1, you know, it makes these fancy coffee drinks and it makes gelato and ice cream and like so many experiments to be had. Oh boy. Well call me when it's done, I'll come over and I'll have some. problem. Taste testing, taste testing. Well that sounds wonderful. My mom just got her Mother's Day gift from me today. So yeah, it's that tis season. Happy early Mother's Day. Yeah, about that time, thanks. My life's going great, by the way. Normally, you know, there's always like doom gloom over here, but, you know, I always try to do something with circumstances. And as you know, you know, I had that that scare with breast cancer and I decided to write about it on my blog. It's a very comprehensive piece and you know, it might be a little controversial to some, but I've gotten really, really great feedback about it and hundreds of people have read it and are still reading it. So I think it's going to help a lot of women and that's important to me. It is. I mean, it's a lot of people have strong feelings about it, you know. Yay or nay, they just had super experiences and they're so glad they did it. And some people are like, why am I ever doing this thing? You know, so yeah, people have strong feelings about it. So I think it will help people. Yeah. Hey, I'm excited. I'm-- writing is my thing. It's my jam. So I'm excited. All right. Well, today's topic is all about self care. And we're really going to touch on to like the risks of well neglecting that self care and what that looks like. So this topic seems right up your alley, Vixen. Love it. So we're really gonna unpack that but we'll start out with a little activity which has been going well for us at the beginning of these episodes. So we both took a quiz from the Blissful Mind. So the theblissfulmind.com and this is about a three minute quiz and it asks seven questions. It's so simple. So I highly recommend just trying it out if you're curious about... kind of your self -care regimen and what that could look like. So for me, my results, well, it wasn't anything I didn't expect. I could use a little bit more of physical self -care. So with that, you know, the exercise, the sleep, and that's not surprising to me. I like massages, you know, I like... anything I can do to make myself feel better. Now that's a little passive, you know, if I actually have to eat greens and sleep eight hours, a little harder for me. So I think it was kind of spot on. What about, what about you Vixen? I'm a junkie as far as information. I'm a junkie for information. So mine actually said I needed more mental self -care because I do like the meditating, the journaling, the watching Ted Talks, the nonfiction books, you know, reading, like that kind of thing. I am a mental junkie. Like I would rather take a course. than to watch TV. Just information, information, information. So this was right where I, it would, more exercise? No. Hahaha! No, no, I'm not going to do. I'm not even going to volunteer to do that. If I'm running, it's because something's chasing me. Understand that, OK? That's the only reason that's happening. So, yeah, information that was where and that that's right where I want to be like the mental. I can do that all day long. Forget vacation. I can sit down and read a book and I'm doing in the backyard. I'm doing good. So you felt like it was a fair assessment. Okay. Well, I totally encourage everyone to try it out. And one of the cool things too is it gives you specific self -care ideas. Like it says for me, eating meals at regular times, drinking more water, you know, going for a walk daily, stuff like that. So it gives you a couple of tips. It even gives you like a playlist for relaxation and stuff. So kind of cool. All right. Well. Um, let's just kind of dive into this topic a little bit. You know, Vixen, you're probably the best person to really talk about what exactly self care is. Self -care, I think when people think of self -care, they always think of, okay, self -care, they gotta go to the spa, they gotta put cucumbers on their eyes. Now, don't get me wrong, that is an aspect of self -care, but that is not all that it is. What self -care really is, is something to bring you mentally and physically down back to homeostasis. And homeostasis means when your body is in exactly the way it's supposed to be. And now, at least in the United States and the regular, most people, I don't mean if you like live on a farm or something, but most average people are living with high stress on a daily basis. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta get done, da da da da da da da like. And that not is their, like you said your jam? That is not their jam. They are there because they have to be. So bringing it back down to a relaxing pinpoint for them, however it is, like you said, yours is, well, mine is reading a book, you know, just mental, yours is physical, whatever it is, bringing it back for you and it has to be enjoyable for you. Like I said, the exercise is not going to be enjoyable for me. So whatever it is, it has to be enjoyable for you or else you won't do it. But yeah, so bringing yourself back to homeostasis, that is what self -care is. So there's different forms of that. And then we'll talk about that in a little while. Yeah, that's really interesting because, you know, I was doing some research just trying to figure out, okay, so what are the different factors? I mean, you just mentioned like mental and physical. I saw as little as four and as many as like eight or nine different factors that come into this whole self -care thing. I mean, from emotional, physical, financial, environmental, intellectual, social, occupational. So there's like so many things here. So, you know, are you thinking that self-care is primarily summed up in sort of the mental and physical, if you had to like categorize it? I do because the reason is because the stress level, for instance, you're in financial woes, right? If you're in financial woes, then you probably have stress, elevated your stress level. If you didn't have that, you would be more in homeostasis. So that is causing like a cause of the mental. Okay, that makes sense. Contributes to it, absolutely. as opposed to it being its own thing, it's really not its own thing. It contributes to other things. So that's where, yeah, those aspects come into play, but they all trickle into those couple of things. All that makes sense. Okay, I totally agree with you there. You know, it's funny because, so I've been having pain for about 15 months now that... despite everything that I've tried to do, they have not fully identified the source of the pain. Pain management doctors, neurosurgeons, orthopedic surgeons, PTs, now I'm in acupuncture. What's going on? Like, why can't we figure out what's the source of the pain? And so we have a theory that it could be something called the psoas muscle. And what's really interesting about that muscle is that... Um, that muscle takes the brunt of emotional and mental, um, anguish, you know, cause it has to release somewhere. If you're in stress mode all the time, it's like fight or flight. Like your body goes through a whole process of fight or flight. And then what happens, you know, once you've calmed down. And so that muscle almost kind of takes that brunt of it. And I totally believe that's me. I've had so many stressful instances the past few years that it would, that it just makes sense. But it's amazing how much that mental affects that physical aspect, like something that really truly like direct effects that you're not just like, oh, my stomach hurts because I don't I'm upset. But like. does. That's why when you're having, when you have a bad environment, like you hate your job, for instance, say you hate your job and you're know you're about, say you clock in at 8 a .m. That's by 7 a .m. Sometimes if you really hate your job, you can be physically sick. You can really not feel well, just the anxiety of knowing that you are going to that job. And it will physically manifest in you. And that's why I said it really comes, whatever the factors are, it really comes into and trickles into those two factors. That makes sense. Totally does. I mean, I've always believed in that mind-body connection, but it's very real. Well, let's talk about how we can actually achieve self -care. I mean, obviously, you know, knowledge is power and awareness of certain aspects that are a deficit are important. What else do you think we could be doing to achieve this homeostasis and self -care routine? Well, here's the thing. I think people try to piece it together. You can achieve self -care, but not in pieces. It is like we talk about trickling into something. People will try, OK, well, they don't like their job, so they get a new job, right? But then their finances are stressed. So you got a new job, which helps, obviously, in your situation. But then, you know, you still don't make enough money or you're paying something out that's, you know, your car costs too much or whatever the case is. So there's still stress there who's bringing it together. So you can't piece it. If you're going to get treated or you're going to try to get yourself into homeostasis, you have to honestly evaluate the whole you. And find out your sources, because it's going to be more than one. Your sources of where you're not in balance. Mm -hmm. Makes total sense. Okay. So let's talk about our favorite, you know, self -care kind of routines or things that we do. I know I personally, I love massages. It's that passive relaxation and I'm a tense person and I'm an intense person so that goes right to my shoulders and neck. I have an at -home sauna, which I use at least 3 or 4 times a week, and I love that because just sometimes you just feel good sweating and I'm like you, I mean, I exercise, but it's not my favorite thing. Like gives me that feeling like I did something by just sitting there. What about you? sitting there, huh? Okay. I'm going to work on something that, you know, I heard about this thing called lazy yoga. Did you ever hear about it? Did you ever hear about it? Okay, so I haven't tried it yet. I'll keep you up to date on that. But I'm like lazy yoga. Okay, this is interesting to me. The fact that it's lazy in front of it. Okay, that's something for me. But. What I currently like to do for self -care is it gives me actually a pick -me -up if I do my skincare. If I do my skincare, it gives me a pick-me -up because I can see the difference before and after. I love to see that and I love to create something. I love to be on the computer and create a PDF, create a... website create, although as intense because I'm not the best at it, as intense it is for me. I just love to me, I would I'd much rather do that for me that getting something done, getting something accomplished is like for me self care. I got it done. I did it. And for me, that's a mental win. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I definitely agree with that. And that was actually one of the questions that they asked on that quiz. You know, what, like, what gives you the most satisfaction? And it could be a myriad of things. One of them was like, you know, accomplishing something on your to do list. So I'll agree with that. But I find like, especially in my job, I go down five different rabbit holes for every one project that I try to accomplish. And sometimes it's like, by the time I'm finally done with that project, I'm wiped. So that sense of accomplishment kind of like goes out the window. Okay, okay. I started recognizing rabbit holes. I started recognizing rabbit holes and I just about halfway down the hole I say, okay, I see I'm in a rabbit hole here and I back out. I have learned to back out. Yeah. I don't always have that opportunity, but I get what you're saying. Sometimes you can really go too far down that rabbit hole and then you're like, wait a minute, I don't know how to get back. Well here's the thing I start and I want to create a home page for my website but suddenly I'm creating a PDF on how to do you know one thing that was one aspect of the website that I didn't even it I'm like oh Okay, so I never got that done, the home page done, but I got something completely different that I didn't even know I needed. Yep, tends to happen. This is why I let people do all that stuff for me, because I'll overthink it. Now, I will say I do that with writing, and writing is an outlet for me. It's a huge outlet, but it also can create anxiety because I, when you're, if you're a writer, you know that every word like matters and I feel like every word, like it's a permanent thing, writing. you know, there's a permanency to it. So like every word has to be perfect, you know, so I can easily spend what I intended, maybe two hours on a post, like 20 hours later, you know, overanalyzing one part of it. But hey you know it's an outlet like I still think there are you know things that are like painting or whatever it is that is kind of enjoyable but can also be something that is just a creative outlet for you that can be self -care. It can! Creativity can totally bring your mind down. It can bring you, it can take you, especially if you are that, you're not just creating something, you are actually a creative person. It can actually bring that spirit out of you and it can be such a calm and such a relaxation for someone to do that if that's their thing. That's their thing totally. I own the fact that I love coloring and I'm 43, but I love, if you give me a coloring book and crayons, I'll go to town. I like coloring, it's an outlet for me. It's like something I can do and I feel fulfilled. I don't know why. You know what? I like that creativity. I like calligraphy. I like the calligraphy. I think that's so creative and I, but it actually gives me anxiety to do it. So no, not even that. What it is is if I'm doing something like calligraphy or coloring or something like that, as creative and as beautiful as it is, the anxiety is where I feel like I'm wasting my time and I could be doing something else. I could see that as somebody who's like a chronic overachiever. When I do things that are more of a hobby, you almost sometimes could feel like guilty like should I be doing something like a little more productive, but you got to remember that is productive. You need an outlet like you need that, you know. Hence why I say, you know, it's the mental self care. That's why I can totally relax. Even though it seems like work to be learning that new thing, I really feel at peace and accomplished in learning that new thing. Hmm, I could see that. Strange. Well... You know, self -care, man, I know that I feel women struggle with it more than men, but before we even go down that rabbit hole, you know, let's talk about what happens when you don't engage in self-care. What do you think, Vixen? When you do not oh so this means okay let me tell you what that means when you don't engage in self -care what that means is you are doing things continuously and continuously and over and over that don't serve you they don't serve you it gives you anxiety it is something that you probably have to do for other people. And you're not doing for yourself. So yourself, you are in a constant state of woe. So you haven't taken the time to stop. You haven't taken the time to be at peace with yourself, no matter how, whatever your form is, you haven't taken that time. Now, physically, remember we talked earlier about that physical, how it shows up. You can actually make yourself physically sick. You can act, you actually can. I've seen this in the nursing aspect of my career. You can, and people see it as that syndrome that doesn't exist. When people say, oh, I'm in pain, but nothing, you don't see anything. It doesn't show up on anything. It doesn't show. They can feel it, but it really doesn't. physically exist until you make it exist. Because there was your body does its best to make you feel good to keep you in check, but it can only go so far. And once you keep doing it over and over and over again, it just can't hold it anymore. So that so physical is a big aspect. And then there's the mental. There is the mental breakdown to where, not necessarily complete breakdown, but to where you get to the point when you just can't take it anymore. And that's when people, they just shut the world out. Sometimes they will have depression. Sometimes they will have, because they just can't. It's just they can't. And people are at them. I need this, I need that, can you do this, can you do that? And they can't say no and then when they finally get too much that's where the mental aspect comes in. So if you do a little bit, even if you do a little bit of self -care, start somewhere. It'll take some weight off of your brain and off of your body. Yeah, I totally see that. As somebody like I said as an overachiever. You know, when I actually get through my list of whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing, I'm like, what else should I be doing? You know, sometimes you just need to know when to let your foot off the gas and take that break, you know, and step away. Stepping away is important. Yeah, yeah, I really like that the books, the effortless and those types of books because one of the quotes that he says in those books are, do not do more today than you can fully recover from by tomorrow. That should be on every overachiever's like screensaver because it's so easy for you to be like, what else can I get done and get ahead of tomorrow? Exactly. And that's. don't think people, it's an awareness. I really think it's an awareness. And it's not till you hit rock bottom or something happens that it's too much that you actually address it. Yeah, if you are an overachiever, a go, go, go, go, go person, then you will just keep going and suck it up. And you think, you know, later, later, later, and you will hit bottom. But I am encouraging all those people who are listening, who, if you're that person, understand that you haven't hit rock bottom yet, but don't wait till you do. It's so much easier to do one or two, you know, 15 minutes of something, then when you hit that rock bottom and you are at that capacity, it's harder to get out of that. And sometimes, honestly, sometimes, you know, those are places where we don't want to be. We're talking depression, we're talking suicide, we're talking really mental health. That's not somewhere that you really want to be. No. No. And when you figure it out too late, like, you're kind of beyond, I mean, that's just not a place that you can come back from easily. So, I mean, let's face it, we think, I think that women obviously probably take on a lot more as far as what they take on in day -to -day life. And they tend to put themselves last, you know? So I think that there's neglect there sometimes. So, what do you think we can do to get the ladies to like start being more aware of this and take care of themselves a little bit more? Well, a lot of times we're taught that. We are taught to take care of other people. And then there's the motherly instinct where you take care of other people and then they're grown, but you're still taking care of other people. So it is something that... You have to recognize it is a physical awareness as you spoke of awareness that of what you're doing because just to look at it you don't recognize it as a bad thing because there in most societies this is how it's taught. So this is very accepted and in some cases you just don't even say anything you you are not supposed to talk about you if something is wrong with you. No, no, no, no, no, no. That is not acceptable. No. No. So you have to take a stand. You have to understand, even if it's a silent stand and you go into your room for 15 minutes or you just, I mean, if they notice that you disappear for 15 minutes, there's an issue anyway. You know, you should be able to go in some space for 15 minutes. and do something that you like. Totally. You know, what prompted me to even talk about this whole episode topic was Lindsay Lohan randomly popped up on my feed on YouTube and I like fall asleep on the couch. I wake up in the middle of the night. I can't get back to sleep when I go upstairs to bed. So I'm scrolling and I'm like, wow, I haven't heard that name in a while. And so I started to like, you know, follow that rabbit hole to find out that like, you know, she's back, you know, and back in front of the camera and back in business. She took a long break there. But if you think about what you remembered of Lindsay Lohan, probably wasn't the best stuff. It was DUIs and fights and drama. And she totally turned her life around and she struggled with sobriety and she's been in recovery, but she's healthy. And she's had a baby not too long ago. But what I was interested in me was I last Sunday, I was on Instagram. I started following her on Instagram. And she was like, you know, Sunday self care, you know, tips, journaling and read a book and yoga. And I'm like, who are you? What happened to you? This is interesting. And it was actually refreshing. So I've been following her, been interested in what she's saying, always an advocate for people who have turned their life around in some aspects and have come to the other side to tell other people their story and help other people. And I think that I never would have said 20 years ago that I think that, you know, Lindsay Lohan is an inspiration, but I do think she, She is and I mean not even like just 10 years ago I wouldn't have said that you know but I she's definitely turned a new leaf. I think she's an example. She's an example. Remember we talked about hitting rock bottom? Mm -hmm. Yeah. That if you think about her story, if anyone recalls, and if you don't understand what we're talking about, feel free to Google this. But she was at rock bottom to the point people didn't want to work with her. She wasn't showing up. You didn't get a lot worse than that, how she was. So the fact that she was able to, and I'm sure with help. that she was able to turn her life around is something definitely inspirational. But one thing to note is as lay regular people, we don't always have that same type of help that, you know, the people around us. So it is important that you find one or two people or. For me, I'd probably find an online coach or something. But someone, in some way, to help you get through it, recognize wherever you are. And if it's not a good place, recognize where you are and get some help here. Don't wait till the end. And there's different levels of help. It may be something as small as a course, like an online course for $30. But. It could be as much as you know, a thousand dollars a month for you know, the best online coach or whatever you can whatever you can do in the middle there. But it's don't wait till you get to Lindsay Lohan status. Because she had help getting back, I can assure you and it wasn't the $30 course. No, no, absolutely. You know, and a lot of these celebrities that have done that, they have had that support, you know, both with people in their lives, but also financially and otherwise. So, you know, first thing is recognizing it and then not being afraid to ask for help, whatever that looks like. Yeah, absolutely. want to get out of bed this morning. I had a bad day yesterday. And you know what? Vixen says, I'll give you one hour. And then you gotta get up. I said, all right, I'm gonna hydrate and reset. But sometimes you just need somebody to be like, you're allowed to have a, you're allowed to have a pity party for yourself for an hour and then you gotta get back on the horse. All right. Well, this was a great topic and you know, thanks to everybody for tuning in to the Light Her Project podcast. As always, you could follow our conversation online with the hashtag. In the meantime, keep it real. Real women.